I’ve been thinking a lot about Jessie and her aural hallucinations, and her, now rare, sightings of Mary. (No religious vision, just a ghost we named Mary for some reason!) Nobody has been able to give us a definitive answer as to what causes them, but I wonder if my ‘un/real’ memories show a link in any way?
When I was a kid and a young teen, I had my own strange experiences that I don’t remember sharing with anyone, or have ever been able to fully understand. Although one was to again become familiar in my adult years.
This particular peculiarity began in my primary school years and hung around until my late teens. I’d get a really strange out of body feeling as I saw my hands holding on to the metal bar they used to have along the top of old bus seats. My hands would then start spinning around the bar, each hand in opposite directions, first slowly, then gaining speed until they were going so fast they were just a blur. And then it would all stop – no more vision and no more weird feeling.
When I started having seizures in 2008, age 38, that vision was bizarrely one of my triggers. The whiff of that memory set me off instantly which I’ve always found curious. Did I have my first auras back then? Or was it something else? Or a combination of both?!
From before the age of ten, I have two other very vivid memories of strange events, the reality of each I’ve often questioned over my lifetime. However I can still let myself slip into exhilarated fear at the sound of dried leaves rustling or strange noises outside at night. But my first weird memory involves our new colour tv, and dates back to the mid 70’s.
I used to love the 1965 tv show, Thunderbirds, and despite knowing they were puppets, I was highly enamoured with their lives and wanted to be part of it. My memory is that it was on at 5am and I tip-toed out to the lounge room and sat in front of the tv with a hammer, in great angst after having decided I was going to smash the screen so I could get to them!
I don’t remember getting the hammer, or putting it back, wherever that was! I only remember sitting in front of the tv with it, desperate to get in but not wanting to break our new colour television – it was pretty awesome! And thankfully survived the whole ordeal unharmed and was never traumatised again. It eventually died of natural causes.
My next memory is a little more…abstract shall we say.
Back in those days I used to love watching the garbage men do their rounds in the very early hours of the morning. I had the perfect view from my bedroom window, and would sit up watching as they emptied the bins along the street and in the cul-de-sac opposite our house. With the clanging of the old metal bins in the background as they moved out of sight down the street, I started hearing rustling noises outside and things tapping against the house. The culprit I believed to be a little black monkey I thought I saw darting around the yard near the house. I felt like he knew I was there, and, to put it into words now, was trying to psych me out! He made me feel spooked and frightened, yet I was magnetically curious about him.
We had a glass panel next to our front door, and one night I was certain he was a-rap-tap-tapping on it, trying to tease me to the door. A huge ask in the dark as it meant the challenge of escaping the reach of the monster under my bed – twice! So fear kept me put until there was a knock at the door. I remember my curiosity peaking, going to the front door, and waiting for another knock. *knock knock* My heart pounding, I opened the door. There was nothing there. So weird!!
As I’ve been writing I’ve remembered two other bizarre memories from under the age of 10. First one was seeing a religious statue rise from the end of my bed then vanish into thin air. It was of similar pose and dress to the picture only male with grey hair and a grey beard.
The other memory I’ve only questioned recently after bringing it up with my brother. I remember seeing a dressed monkey riding a push bike on the road, on a drive back from Queensland when we were both staying with my uncle when I was seven. My brother doesn’t recall it, but I remember it being one of the most bizarre and unexplainable things I’d ever seen! Sadly my uncle is no longer with us so whether that actually happened or not shall remain a mystery.
After age 10 and our move to the country, there were only two (two’s seem to be my thing!!) other really freaky incidents I clearly remember. Both happened in my room at night and had me feeling intense fear and confusion.
I was woken one night by a desperate scrabbling noise behind the big poster beside my bed. In my mind’s eye I could see the poster moving as this violent struggle went on between what I imagined to be a large spider and a small grasshopper. I remember wanting to get up and turn the light on and whack the shit out of the poster with a shoe until I was sure anything that had been living was now dearly departed – beyond any shadow of a doubt. But I couldn’t move. I was terrified – that the brawl may spill out onto my bed, or that the victor may grow in size and decide to come after me? Who knows. But the terror had me frozen, and it seemed to go on for hours. The next morning however the poster was still flat against the wall, and checking behind there were no signs of gore or a battle to the death. Another mystery only the night knows the answers to!
My final spooky and unnerving experience was my visit by what could have been one of Dobby’s relatives, from Harry Potter. If he was indeed a house elf, his attitude stank and thankfully he didn’t come back again!
I woke to his cold, menacing energy that filled the room and enveloped me. I didn’t know what this bony, ugly creature was, with it’s long nose, big forehead and large pointed ears. He was sitting on top of my wardrobe in the corner, scrunched over, holding it’s legs, bent at the knees, head and neck pushed against the ceiling, staring down at me. I felt like I was levitating above my bed. Once again I felt terrified and trapped inside my body which I didn’t seem to have control over, only this time I also felt evil directed at me. I could breathe and think but couldn’t move – frozen once again.
I can’t offer an explanation for any of these bizarre memories, other than sleep paralysis for a couple of them maybe? Each one was very real to me, which I’ll always acknowledge. Nevertheless, I can’t help but wonder if their realities lie purely within my mind? And I have no idea, but maybe Jessie’s new counsellor will see some relevance as far as her experiences go? If it can be of any benefit to Jessie there’s nothing to lose. I just don’t know why I hadn’t thought it might be worth mentioning way before now!!